Happy Tree Friends Abridged
by mingler45567
Summary: Some small parody of Happy Tree Friends I considered creating. It'll get funnier as this progresses on. But answer me this: How does one go through life in a town where death is practically at every door? Rated T for mild swearing, cartoon violence and because fuck it it's Happy Tree Friends.
1. Spin Fun Knowin Ya!

**A curtain rises up showing Cuddles.**

 **Cuddles: Hello. This is a little fun parody of Happy Tree Friends, itself. It'll be funny, or it'll not be funny, I try to be funny but I'll givc it my best shot since it's my first time parodying the actual show. All characters belong to belong to MondoMedia of course. Enjoy, because this chapter will be short!**

 **The curtain closes.**

 _Meanwhile from behind the curtain_

 _"Dude, that's it? That's all you have to say about it?" a beaver silhoutte showed from behind the curtain, looking skeptically at Cuddles._

 _"You have anything better to say?" Cuddles retorted._

 _"I coiuld of said this fic is going to be SPECTACULAR! Big words, Cuddles, you need to entice the audiance, pull them in. Say it's SPECTACULAR! MAGINFICENT! FUCKING AWESOME!"_

 _"Tooth...calm down. It's just one chapter."_

 _"HOW DARE YOU! One chapter?! There could be more, and more chapters, heck this may look small, but it can flourish into some bigger, and we need bigger fans! IT'S THE PRINCIPAL OF THESE THINGS, CUDDLES!"_

 _"You're such a drama queen, dude."_

 _"I AM DRAMA KING!"_

 _"WILL YOU IDIOTS START THE FUCKING SHOW ALREADY?! We wasted enough time on this as it is." a chipmink silhoutte came stomping over the two._

 _"Fine, fine. But I'm not happy with how we started this thing." Toothy huffed as the scene finally went black._

* * *

 _HAPPY TREE FRIENDS  
(abridged)_

 _All rights go to MondoMedia Production_

 _Spin Fun Knowin' Ya!_

 _This Week Featuring  
_ _Cuddles  
_ _Giggles  
Toothy  
Lumpy_

 _Almost There..._

 _"WHEEEEEE HAHAHA!" Came Cuddles and his friends: Giggles and Toothy as they relax on a nice sunny day on the playground with their dear friend Lumpy, no doubt the tallest Tree Friend in the city, and most likely the only adult...well there are a few adults. So they're taking this time of relaxation as an advantage by spinging on...the spinny thing..._

 _"YO LUMPY!" Cuddles called out._

 _"Yeah?" Lumpy answered._

 _"What do you call this thing, again?" Cuddles asked._

 _"That's easy, I play on this back when I was a young moose!" Lumpy answered...not really giving the answer._

 _"No I mean what's it called?" Cuddles repeated more clearly._

 _"OH! Well it's a...uhhhh...um...Wait-wait don't tell me...uhhhh..." Lumpy said slowing down the wheel, trying to figure out the identity of it._

 _"Lumpy?" Toothy piped up but the moose was just in thoughT._

 _"WAIT I GOT IT! It's a...uhhh...dammit I had it...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lumpy muttered trying to figure it out. Heck Giggles can see his head steaming trying to figure it out._

 _"It's a roundabout." Giggles said bluntly._

 _"I GOT IT! It's a roundabout!" Lumpy replied back believing he got the answer...except he didn't know until Giggles pointed it out._

 _"You're welcome." Giggles grumbled._

 _"For what?" Lumpy said confused picking up what the chipmunk said._

 _"DOES IT MATTER WHAT THE HELL IT IS?! SPIN IT FASTER!" Cuddles yelled as Lumpy began to spin the roundabout once more. This time he decided to give it more speed. This easily pleased the children to no end as they were having such a blast._

 _"FASTER FASTER FASTER!" The children cried out in unison as Lumpy done just that. He spinned and spinned until the roundabout was completely at full speed...which was too much for the kids, actually._

 _"WEEE-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Toothy cried out as his little hands gave out and was suddenly sent flying to a nearby tree completely shattering his bones engraving his buck teeth on the tree. His corpse slid down the now blood-stained tree as if it was a mere pelt._

 _Meanwhile on the roundabout, Giggles was not faring well, either as she was hanging on for dear life on that handle...Unfortunately for her, the bar she was holding onto was now breaking off._

 _"It's never easy, is it?" the chipmunk grumbled as she and the bar was now sent flying to a treestump. The stump completely cut off half of Giggles' body, topping it off with the bar impaling her chest. If the treestump didn't kill her, the bar most certainly did._

 _"TOO FAST, LUMPY TOO FAST! STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOOOOOOOOP!" Cuddles yelled as he was also hanging on to dear life, unfortunately his arms gave up...literally, his fragile arms were ripped off, sending the bunny flying towards...the engine of an airplane that appeared the fuck out of nowhere, chopping his body up into pieces._

 _Finally getting tired, Lumpy caught his breath and stopped for a moment, only to notice that no one was occupying the roundabout...well no one except Cuddle's disembodied hands._

 _"Huh? Uhhhh (the parents are not gonna like this...) LUNCH BREAK!" The moose yelled as he frantically ran out of the scene._

 ** _And Scene_**

 ** _Moral # 1: Don't Forget to Floss!_**

 ** _Lumpy(teary-eyed):_** Inspiring words, aren't they? Enough to reduce grown men to tears

 _ **?:**_ Giggles? Giggles? Lumpy, have you seen my baby?

 _ **Lumpy(lied):**_ Not at all ma'am!


	2. House Warming

**The curtain rises showing Handy and Petunia**

 **Handy: Rememper people, Mingler does not own ANYTHING!**

 **Petunia: Who's Mingler?**

 **Handy: The author of this fanfic parody.**

 **Petunia: Wha?**

 **Handy: Le-let's just start it already.**

 **cutrain closes**

* * *

 _HAPPY TREE FRIENDS  
(abridged)_

 _All rights go to MondoMedia Production_

 _House Warming_

 _This Week Featuring  
_ _Petunia  
Handy_

 _Almost There..._

 _Nothing more than hammers pounding, saws buzzing, and drills...drilling the scene opened up with a completely stunned Petunia gazing at the town handyman and his newest creation, a tree house just for her._

 _"What do you think? Amazing isn't it?" Handy gloated. Petunia spoke not a word but she was completely stunned._

 _"Yep, I know, it's amazing. It's what I do." Handy boasted._

 _"H-H-H-HOW?" Petunia squeaked._

 _"Well it's hard on the first day on the job, you gotta admit, but once you get used to building, anything can be p-" Handy boasted but was interrupted by the female skunk._

 _"No, how did you even BUILD the treehouse?" Petunia asked._

 _"I said it before and I'll say it again. I'm a builder, it's what I do." Handy repeated._

 _"Dude...do I even need to say why I'm questioning this?" Petunia sighed._

 _"Sure go ahead." Handy said earning an even heavier sigh from the female skunk._

 _"Dude... you me you d-UGH! your name is Handy, your a handyman, and you repaired my treehouse from the ground up...YET YOU HAVE NO FUCKING HANDS!" Petunia yelled motioning at his little stubs where his hands used to be._

 _"...your point?" Handy asked._

 _"How in the living FUCK is that possible?! I mean WHERE'S THE LOGIC IN THIS?!" Petunia yelled frantically as she flailed her arms around like a crazy person as Handy looks at her calmly._

 _"Petunia...we're anthromorphic talking multi-colored animals with a moose who has almost every job in town but lacks the competance to do any of them right and your talking to me about LOGIC?" Handy said calmly._

 _"UH..um...alright fine." Petunia said preparing to make a retort but...she could not think of one. Having enough she simply climbed up the treehouse._

 _"Petunia I think you forgot s-"_

 ** _BOOM!_**

 _HOLY SHIT! I didn't know you can self destruct!" Handy said surprised as he looks at the treehouse AND Petunia engulfed in flames._

 _"Really? Wow...I didn't realize I can do that? It must be quite a mysterious magic p-IT WAS THE FUCKING TREEHOUSE, YOU DIPSHIT! GET ME OUT OF HERE!_

 _"OH RIGHT! JUMP!" Handy yelled._

 _"ENSURE MY SAFTEEEEEEEEEEEY!" Petunia yelled as she did as Handy requested and jumped...only she fell to the ground. She could've been caught by Handy if...well...you get the picture._

 _"FIRE! MY FUR'S ON FIRE! IT BURRRRRRNS!" The engulfed skunk yelled._

 _"What should I do?" Handy asked blissfully._

 _"GET A FUCKING HOSE WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" She yelled. Handy frantically ran to a nearby hydrant with a hose attatched to it. Unfortunately...he can't pick it up._

 _"Oh right." the beaver mumbled making his trademrk scowl._

 _"SERIOUSLY! HOW THE FUCK WERE YOU ABLE TO REBUILD MY TREEHOUSE?!" Petunia screamed. Soon Handy noticed a bucket conviently placed near Petunia._

 _"That'll do." Handy said as he kicked the bucket dissolving the fire with...more fire?_

 _"GAAAAAAAAAAH! THAT'S PETROLEUM YOU BITCH!" Petunia screamed as Petunia was now practically at Death's grasp...that is until Handy came up with one last solution._

 _"This one's gonna hurt." Handy said as he put his work boots on. His only option was to STOMP out the fire, though in the process he was also stomping Petunia out. Finally the beaver stopped and rested his breath as he now sees the fire dissolving. It was over._

 _"DONE. Petunia, are you alright?" Handy asked looking at the smoldering skunk._

 _"B-b-barley...but...I'm OK..." She said meekly._

 _"Phew, that's a relief. Alright, that'll be $700.69 dollars, there's also the delivery fee for the supplies." Handy said taking out a bill and placed it on the smoldering skunk's face...remains._

 _"I-I thought you said I didn't have to pay you..." Petunia said weakly._

 _"Changed my mind. I gotta make a living, don't I? I don't do these kinds of stuff for charity." Handy said bluntly._

 _"F-fuck you." Petunia said weakly._

 ** _And Scene_**

 ** _Moral #2: Smiles Are Always Free_**

 ** _Handy:_** Words to live by. I should use those at some point ** _._**

 _ **Petunia(Still injured):** _ Fuck my life...


	3. Helping Helps

**The curtain rises showing Giggles on the stage.**

 **Giggles: (Squeals) OOOOH! My second debut. What can I say, the camara loves me? I guess it's my turn to say it now. Happy Tree Friends and all its characters are owned by MondoMedia production, so uh...yeah. Whatever my role is in this episode, I know I'll give it my own.**

 **?: You mean you haven't heard?**

 **Giggles: No...and who said that?**

 **Flying down to the stage is a familiar blue flying squirrel.**

 **?: Why you're role is going to be the damsel in distress, who shall be rescued by me: Splendid the Super Squirrel!**

 **Giggles went silent...and then uttered just one thing out of all of this.**

 **Giggles:...fuck.**

 _HAPPY TREE FRIENDS  
(abridged)_

 _All rights go to MondoMedia Production_

 _Helping Helps_

 _This Week Featuring  
_ _Giggles  
Splendid the Flying Squirrel_

 _Almost There..._

 _The city of tree town, a buzzling land of happiness and peace, why one can say, this buzzling town could be the greatest town to ever live in._

 _"THIS IS THE WORST TOWN TO EVER LIVE IN!" well...it was a estimated guess sue me. Anyway, it seems one of our tree friends, a familiar pink chipmunk is taking a stroll down the Tree Town dam with an injured foot._

 _"I swear to fucking christ I'm about ready to move out my fucking house! 'get some acorns for the winter' she says, 'your foot is fine, dear walk it off' she says. My lazy ass dad doesn't even care enough to get in the conversation! Fucking christ I bet if I died right here and now, I bet they wouldn't give two shits about me at all!" the angered Chipmunk said...to her dismay just as she said it...the dam broke and now a tidlewave is just hurdling towards her._

 _"God, why do you hate me?" she said striken in fear of the tidlewave._

 _Meanwhile somewhere in the woods._

 _"Hey there, sweet cheeks. What's your name?" a familiar blue squirrel asked siductively towards an acorn._

 _"My name is oak the acorn, who are you?" Splendid said mimiking the acorn._

 _"Name's Splendid, baby, and you are looking like a fine, fine acorn." Splendid says practically drooling._

 _"Thank you, Mr. Splendid, but you're just saying that." the acorn 'says'_

 _"C'mon I don't say that to every acorn I come across on the trees." Splendid said._

 _"My dearest super squirrel, please...let's have a moment together. It's not everyday I see such a strong, buff, badass looking super squirrel on my tree." the acorn mused._

 _"Oh don't worry, baby, I'll do it momentarily." Splendid said._

 _"Why not now?" the acorn pressed._

 _"Bec-because I'm doing something at the m-" Splendid answered, but it wasn't good enough._

 _"Right now, Mr. Splendid," the acorn pressed._

 _"I said I'll do it momen-" Splendid said feeling uneasily._

 _"RIGHT NOOOOOW! COME ON A DO IT RIGHT NOWWWWW!" The acorn yelled._

 _"BITCH, I'LL DO WHAT I WANT! YOU HEAR ME, I AM A FUCKING GROWN SQUIRREL! I WILL FUCK YOU WHEN I'M READY!" Splendid cried out as a stray bird looked at him in confusion._

 _"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" Splendid yelled making the bird fly away in fear. Suddenly the squirrel caught something in his ear._

 _"HELLLLLLLLLLP!" A cry for help. A cry Splendid won't shun away._

 _"Sorry, babe, duty calls. This looks like a job for: SPLENDID THE SUPER SQUIRREL!" Splendid cried out floating determindly. "Dun, dun, dun DUHH!" He sung as he zoomed to the distance to answer the call for help._

 _Meanwhile back with Giggles, she frantically limped away from the tidlewave. Unfortunately for her, it was too big, hell too MASSIVE so gigantic to escape from. She knew escaping it was impossible._

 _"Well...this is the end...again." Giggles stifled letting out a single tear. But suddenly a blue and red blur was able to hoist the chipmunk in time before the water hit._

 _"Never fear, my dear. The great Splendid is here!" Splendid announced carrying the girl off._

 _"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK Y-" Giggles thanked happily...until she met her demise from a stray tree branch slicing her head clean off._

 _"SHIT!" Splendid cussed. "Um...ummm...AHA!" He the noticed something._

 _"Hey, you wanna fuck?" Splendid said to the same acorn from before._

 _"YES, YES, WITH ALL MY HEART YES!" Splendid mimicked the acorn's answer._

 _"Excellent, and I promise we will. But first... I only ask of just one favor in return._

 _15 minutes later_

 _*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!" Soon the door opened and we see a grown chipmunk wearing an apron with a box of tissues in her hands. It seems she was crying._

 _"Oh...hello Mr. Splendid. I'm sorry y-you caught us at a bad time. Ou-OUR CHILD'S MISSING!" The chipmunk mother said letting out some more sobbing tears._

 _"See this is what happens when you raise a child. They go rebellious and leave the ones who fucking fed you and birthed you! I mean it's like the girl has no sense of morals in that clonked head of hers. I bet it's all because she's hanging out with that fucking moose." someone from inside ranted._

 _"Harold! Lumpy is her friend and a proud respected man in our town. He's in charge of every job in town!" the mother retorted._

 _"Which brings me to how the fuck can that dumbass comprehend the definition of the word 'job' much less manage EVERY SINGLE ONE IN TOWN!" Harold yelled out._

 _"At lease HE can actually hold a job! Look me in the eye and tell me how many jobs YOU kept?" the mother retorted._

 _"OH HERE WE GO AGAIN! JENN, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I-" Harold yelled._

 _"Um...excuse me. If it's any consolation...I have your child right here." Splendid intervened showing the mother Giggles...or her corpse with an acorn attatched to where her head was._

 _"OH MY LORD, GIGGLES!" Jenn cried out hugging the corpse COMPLETELY convinced it's her daughter. "Thank you, THANK YOU, SPLENDID! Any price, how much can we pay you, just name it!" Jenn said in relief._

 _"WE?!" Harold cried out from inside._

 _"Nonesense, the expression of happiness of a family reunion will satisfy me just fine. It's all in a days work for SPELNDID THE SUPER SQUIRREL! Dun, dun, dun, DUHHHH!" Splendid cried out as he zoomed off to the distance._

 _"THANK YOU SPLENDID THE SUPER SQUIRREL!" Jenn cried out as she happily hugged her child._

 _"That's a corpse." Harold said bluntly coming Jenn's way to inspect the corpse closely._

 ** _And Scene_**

 ** _Moral # 3: Don't Forget to Stop and Smell the Roses!_**

 ** _Splendid: Well said. I couldn't of said it better myself._**

 _ **Jenn:** _ YOU KILLED MY BABY!

 _ **Splendid:**_ GOTTA GO! _**(Zooms off to the distance)**_


	4. Crazy Antics

**Curtain rises showing no one at first...but then someone appeared in a cloud of smoke. The smoke fades revealing a blue anteater with a wand at hand and a scar on top of his head.**

 **Sniffles: That, was magic! I'm a wizard, kiddies, but neither Harry Potter nor Happy Tree Friends are owned by Mingler45567. Enjoy!**

 **Sniffles gives a bow as the curtain closes.**

 _HAPPY TREE FRIENDS  
(abridged)_

 _All rights go to MondoMedia Production_

 _Crazy Antics_

 _This Week Featuring  
_ _Sniffles_

 _Almost There..._

 ** _"INCENDIO!"_** _Sniffles shouted as he turned pointed his wand towards an apple. The wand reacted with a single spark on the apple, resorting to the apple bursting into flames._

 _"IT WORKED! Exquisite!" the aardvark beamed as he closed his book._

 _See Sniffles you might say is a wizard in training. In his young he enrolled in a school known as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...many students struck him odd at his...well species. Due to an incident regarding a fight with a student, he was expelled and lived here in Happy Tree Friends for a while._

 _"But I'll show them all, I'm a good wizard. In all honesty that Nevel Longass deserved what was coming to him!" Sniffles mumbled as he was on his way home...but was stopped at something:_

 _"An ant hole? Hmm...Dinner isn't for another 3 hours, but what they hell, it's just a snack." Sniffles shrugged as he approached the ant hole. Due to his abnormally long tounge on the account of he's an aardvark, he let his tounge do the job as it adventured through the hole._

 _Meanwhile_

 _Dear lord, please bless this food we manage to smuggle from the local brewery, all the cheese from the strange demented moose, and many of puddles of water we try to retrieve but always get struck by the neighbor's pets. Amen." the mother ant prayed._

 _"Amen." her little ants repeated._

 _CRASH! Suddenly a certain aardvark's tounge bursted in the room making the ants shriek in fear._

 _"AHHHH-AHHHH!" They all screamed._

 _"It's hopeless. We're all going to die." an ant with antennas drooped down said depressingly._

 _"Quit being such an baby, boy. We just came back from getting food, but I'll be DAMMED if my family turns into food, themselves. Whoever's tounge that is, we ain't gonna surrender!" the ma ant spoke determindly._

 _Back on the surface._

 _Yes~ I can already taste those delectable an-what the...?" Sniffles gloated but was put to a halt when he felt a painful sensation from his tounge._

 _Underground._

 _"POUND BITCHES! POUND LIKE YOU'VE NEVER POUNDED SOMETHING PINK AND GREASY BEFORE!" Ma ant commanded as her ant children grabbed a steak and slammed it with a mallet on Sniffles' tounge._

 _"MWAH! Goodnight everybody!" her older son quipped._

 _Surface_

 _It wasn't good on Sniffles' end, his tounge was stuck underground, he couldn't move an inch. What's worse is the painful sensation was too much to bare._

 _"OW! OW! OWWWWOWOWOW!" Sniffles screamed. Unfortunately, the pain was getting far worse than before._

 _Underground_

 _"Grade that shit like the cheese we smuggled!" Ma ant screamed as her daughter was grating the tounge into bits and pieces of flesh._

 _"And some lemon. Not that it matters anyway, because we're all gonna die." the depressed young ant mumbled as he squeezed a bit of lemon juice on the tounge._

 _Surface_

 _"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FUCK! SOMEBODY STOP THIS DAMMIT!" Sniffles screamed from the top of his lungs. It's clear to him that the pain was too much for even a wizard like him. Hell he was in too much pain, he couldn't think up a spell to end this._

 _Underground._

 _"YES! YES! WE'LL SHOW THAT SON OF A BITCH NOT TO MESS WITH THE ANTS!" Ma ant yelled as she activated a buzz saw, sawing the tounge in half. "Jr, gasoline!" she commanded her oldest son._

 _"Yes, ma'am!" the older ant saluted as he carried a canister of gasoline with him._

 _Surface_

 _"HELP! HELP HELP! DAMMIT HELLP!" The anteater screamed, unbeknownst to him, Jr crawled his toung leaving trails of gasoline on his tounge. Soon he shoved the whole canister in Sniffles' mouth._

 _"I'm surprised he didn't notice. I guess pain makes you oblivious to all other things." Jr quipped as he crawled back into the ant hole._

 _Underground_

 _"Light em up." Ma said bluntly._

 _"Don't you think it's a little inhumane, ma?" the depressed ant asked his ma._

 _"It's only inhumane if the bitch didn't act first. I ain't giving ANYONE an inch when it comes to hurting my children." ma ant hissed as she placed the torch on the gasoline, liting it._

 _Soon a whole trail of fire crawled up the ant whole to Sniffle's mouth. And since the cansiter was resting in his mouth, things will end for Sniffles with a..._

 _"STOOOOOOOOO-" BOOM! The anteater exploded. Soon all the ants a_ _rised from the ant hole to the surface to look upon the carnage of what used to be the poor wizard._

 _"LIBERATION!" Ma ant yelled._

 ** _And Scene_**

 ** _Moral # 4: Buckle up for Safety!_**

 ** _Ma Ant: HELL YEAH! What I do, I do for safety_**

 _ **Jr: Even kill a kid?**_

 ** _Ma Ant: Even kill a kid._**


	5. Havin' a Ball

**The curtain rises showing...Cub?**

 **Cub: Good evening scum of the human race watching this disgusting display of comedy, As you no doubt know this episode shall feature moi! I have also noticed a disturbing lack of likes or reviews, a pity. I will find you all, and I won't hesitate to vaporize the likes of you human scum and your kind. Anyway, you should know Happy Tree Friends is not owned by Mingler, but by MondoMedia. Now then you shall enjoy this story** (takes out laser gun) **Or pay the price.**

 **Curtain closes.**

 _HAPPY TREE FRIENDS  
(abridged)_

 _All rights go to MondoMedia Production_

 _Havin' a Ball_

 _This Week Featuring  
_ _Pop & Cub_ _  
_

 _Almost There..._

 _The scene begins with a tan colored papa bear filling up some air in a small ball out in the front yard. It was Pop! He was just about to play ball with his son, now that work is in order._

 _"Yep, that's a ball. I mean, it inflates well, doesn't it?" Pop asked himself. At that he took to the mail and entered the house. As he strolled along to Cub's Room, he inspected today's mail.  
_

 _"Junk, junk, junk, jury duty, junk, power bill? Strange, I haven't even used power allot. Wonder why I keep getting this stupid thing. Anyway more junk, junk, Child Services...hell no. I wonder why I keep getting this?" as the bear dismissed the last piece of mail, he arrived at Cub's room._

 _"Cub~ come on out son, I got a surprise for you!" Pop sung. No answer. "Cub?"_

 _As Pop called for his son, little did he know, he was not in his room. In fact, he was somewhere behind the walls. Behind the walls the scene panned deeper and deeper within the catacombs of the house, until it reaches an underground secret laboratory. Cub was simply wearing goggles, gloves and a labcoat as he was in the process of a creation that can well enough dangerous for the universe._

 _"Hehehehehehehehe! Excellent! The mind control device is almost complete. I need to go back to the Black Market at some point so I can power the mechanism with glorified Uranium." Cub cackled as he finished creating a small squirt gun like beam. The baby bear then turned to his pet hamster who only squeaked at him._

 _"What's that, Mr. Fluffy? You wish to learn why I'm making this device? It's simple, Mr. Fluffy: Adults- they see me as nothing more than a drooling, screaming, imbecile. With this device at my grasp, I will prove to EVERYONE that I am FAR more capable than I look. I will first call upon the world leaders and control ALL of them in one room. Then everyone in Happy Tree Town, and the the world! They will ALL be my slaves! Then they'll see that evil comes in all sizes, including small packages." Cub monologue._

 _The hamster squeaked._

 _"What is I plan to do, tonight? Why I thought it would be obvious. The same thing I do every night, my fine hamster: TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Cub cackled, but realized something. "But first...I must endure the antics of my idiot father. and even God himself knows that every step Pop takes, it will lead him and me to nothing but DISASTER!" Cub sighed._

 _"Cub? Where are you?" Cub can distinctly hear his father calling out from above giving out a heavy sigh._

 _"And it begins." Cub sighed as he took off his goggles, gloves and labcoat and placed on his regular attire: a beanie and a diaper._

* * *

 _Later that day, Pop and his bored son simply played a game of catch with the ball Pop inflated earlier. Pop seemed to be having a good time, but Cub was bored out of his mind, catching the ball and throwing it back constantly. But soon he was caught off guard as the ball bonked his head and landed to the ground...of the other side of a dangerous as fuck highway._

" _Uh..." Pop said baffled but Cub simply sighed._

 _"You're a big man, Pop, I'm sure you can get the ball." Cub sighed but was ignored by Pop as if he didn't understand him._

 _"Don't worry, son, I'll...g-g-go get the ball." Pop said nervously. Closing his eyes and bracing himself, he stormed off to get the ball as Cub watched unenthusiastically. Soon as Cub walked away back to the house, he can simply hear the screams of his father from the streets, but decided to dismiss them._

 _"Ow, oh, HEY, watch-IT-GAH!-OHH-AHHHHHHH!" Pop screamed crossing the street._

 _"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YA FOOL!" a gold colored monkey yelled on the road. Luckily for Pop, it was all over, and he was just an inch away from the ball._

 _"Thank god it's over." Pop sighed as he picked up the ball and walked...one step to the edge of the cliff as he fell to his doom._

 _"WHOA! AHHHHHHHH!" Pop screamed as he felt his feet sliced down rapidly by the propellers of a health helicopter who was carrying Lumpy in a gurney. At that point, Pop was sliced and diced into pieced falling to the floor as blood flew everywhere at once._

 _Soon Cub came crossing to the streets by jet pack as he held on to the blood stained ball. "A pity isn't it." Cub said but was suddenly impaled by the gurney carrying Lumpy._

 _"Huh? HUH?! THIS, THIS ISN'T MY BATHROOM!" Lumpy screamed as the health helicopter slammed down upon the moose killing him._

 ** _And Scene_**

 ** _Moral # 5: Eat Your Veggies!_**

 ** _An apology for the long wait, I was putting the finishing touches on preparations for College. Now that they're taken care of, and I'm settled in, there will be plenty more where THAT came from. ARIVADERCHI!_**


	6. Water you Waiting For?

**The curtain opens up showing a red porcupine with red bloodshot eyes wearing a leather jacket and gloves, smoking a cigarette.**

 **Flaky: 'Sup?**

 **Cuddles comes to the scene giving Flaky a few notes. The porcupine tries to read it...but was having a hard time seeing the words.**

 **Flaky: Um...uh...Soooo uhh the following is a non-profit fanfic parody. Happy Tree Friends is owned by not M-m-m...?**

 **Cuddles: Mingler.**

 **Flaky: Oh right...Mingler. The fuck kind of name even is that?**

 **Cuddles: It's his username. So read, or no playboy.**

 **Flaky: But my precious! Fine. T-the following is a non-profit fanfic parody. Happy Tree Friends is not owned by Mingler4..5..5..6...7, but by MondoMedia studios. Please support the official release. Can I have it now?**

 **Cuddles: Sure, sure, you earned it. Just be done by the time we go in.**

 **Flaky: HEEEEHEHEHE!**

 **At that moment the porcupine crackhead took a box of playboy magazines. The moment the porcupine looked through the first few pages, her mouth was drooling...no foaming, and her quills became so thickened all the dandruff flakes went all out where, as Cuddles looked at his friend in disappointment.**

 **Cuddles: And Flaky's a she. Let that sink in for a moment.**

 _HAPPY TREE FRIENDS  
(abridged)_

 _All rights go to MondoMedia Production_

 _Helping Helps_

 _This Week Featuring  
_ _Cuddles  
Flaky  
_

 _Almost There..._

 _"AHHHHHHHHHH-AHHH-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-AH-AH-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cuddles yelled imitating what appears to be a Tarzan yell in the form of a helium holler._

 _SPLAH! The story begins with Cuddles splashing into a green small pond, doing summersaults to performing the dreaded 'how long can you hold your breath' challenge. It ended with the idiot rabbit coughing up a bit of water._

 _"C'mon in, Flakes, the water's fine!" Cuddles yelled looking to his red porcupine female tomboyish friend: Flaky, who was sitting on a recliner reading some playboy monthly...strange hobby indeed._

 _"No." she said bluntly._

 _"Why not?" Cuddles asked her._

 _"Because that sign right there says so." Flaky says pointing to a 'no swimming' sign just right next to her._

 _"Phhhhhhtp! Bitch, please, signs are for nerds who only know how to follow the rules. Don't tell me, you're a nerd too, Flakes." Cuddles scoffed._

 _"I'm a nerd." Flaky said bluntly. But, what she didn't know is that Cuddles had another idea of how to get Flaky._

 _"I'll give you a blunt." Cuddles simply says._

 _"Fuck you, using my weakness, dude. Not cool." Flaky sighed as Cuddles only laughed. Suddenly Flaky noticed that Cuddles' laughs suddenly turned into screams. Flaky took her eyes off her playboy for a second and noticed Cuddles was being chomped on by Piranhas._

 _"SHIT!" Flaky yelled as she started to quiver in fear. Soon the piranhas stopped attacking, and it eventually turned to seals bouncing him back to each other._

 _"DO SOMETHING!" Cuddles screamed to his friend._

 _"Grab the stick!" Flaky yelled as she tried to reach out to him...only noticing that she was way far back. She needed to think on her feet and tried to think of something quick. So there was only one thing she did..._

 _"Hold on for a sec, Cuddles, I need to get high!" she screamed. She took a blunt and a lighter and blew on it. At a rapid pace you can see her relaxed to the point of her eyes being bloodshot red._

 _"I got it!" Apparently getting high helps her think on her feet. Meanwhile with Cuddles, the seals dived back into the water as the wounded rabbit crawled to dry land...but not when a damn crocodile came and chomped on him._

 _"I-I...uh...what am I doing here aga-OH YEAH! Don't worry, Cuddles, I'll save you, buddy! Just stay right there!" Flaky yelled as she frantically ran out of the scene. Meanwhile Cuddles finally went loose of the crocodile after it chomped on its frontal lobe._

 _"Ok...OK...OK...I think it's over." Cuddles sighed in relief. Suddenly a giant shadow was covering the rabbit. "Nighttime? When was that?" he said. As he looked up...he immediately knew it was not nighttime._

 _"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Cuddles stifled as he noticed the shadow of a GIANT WHALE. With great force, the whale plopped down on Cuddles. The weight of the whale was enough to crush Cuddle's body completely. Soon the whale dived back down._

 _"Got ya!" Flaky piped up as she threw a life preserver on the splattered remains of the yellow rabbit._

 _"Did I get you?" Flaky said blissfully still high as fuck._

 ** _And Scene_**

 ** _Moral # 6: Don't Breath Underwater!_**

 ** _Flaky:_** Greatest moral ever...wait where am I? And what's a moral?


End file.
